The Yakuza Path: Blood Stained Tea Read online

  “Kuma!”

  “Why do you keep screaming bear?” an old woman asked, a bright-pink handkerchief trapping her permed hair. “We’re in the middle of the city. There are no bears.”

  “Oh no, I’m sorry.” Nao bowed after the apology. “My cat is called Kuma. She’s a gray tabby and stout like a bear. Have you seen her? She got out a few days ago.”

  “Can’t say I have seen a cat.”

  “Thank you.” Nao bowed again and turned to resume his search.

  “It’s nice to see a young man keeping the traditional clothes alive.” The woman kept up with Nao’s steps. “My grandfather would wear nothing but kimonos. Said how he didn’t see the need for Western influence since he was Japanese.”

  Nao smiled. It took an old woman to realize what he’d dedicated his life to after he left the family. “I try to keep the old traditions alive.”

  “If I see a bear cat, I’ll be sure to find you, but you know the saying. A cat chooses its owner.”

  Nao blinked. “What do you mean?”

  “Maybe something happened, and she decided you weren’t the human for her anymore.”

  Nao scrunched his nose at the old woman and her silly pink headscarf. “That’s impossible. I’m the same person I was when I found her.”

  He added a curt goodbye and walked away.

  His steps were slow at first as he turned the corner, but the woman’s words sank in. He was the same person; he hadn’t changed. Scattered thoughts took him to the train station and then to the Philosopher’s Path. But once he took his first step along the cherry-tree-lined way, Nao knew he needed the walk to contain himself as the memories flooded back…

  Four years ago, he had found Kuma. Distraught after what had happened in Tokyo, Nao locked himself in his home with only recollections of his lover to keep him company. His world shrank to that small space and then to the bed. Life had become pointless, and the gun in the nightstand looked more and more like the best solution.

  The phone kept ringing, though, and smashing it into bits only caused Oyama and the other people Father sent to pound on his door. Oyama was the one who cleaned him up and drove him to the Miyako Hotel. The street leader even went so far as to walk Nao inside and introduce him to the tea ceremony teacher on behalf of Father, who had set up the appointment.

  The first hour of class humiliated Nao. The red cloth to purify the tea bowls conjured up images of blood and made each of the elegant gestures jerk within Nao’s shaking hands. On their second break, he quit and walked back to the safe solitude of his bed.

  When he was halfway home, a cat started following him, a stout little tabby that meowed and rubbed up against Nao’s leg when he stopped at each intersections. After three blocks of being tailed, he realized the cat wasn’t going away.

  He took her home, and she helped steady his shaking hands with each petting. Her hungry meow forced Nao to go into the outside world to take care of her. She had pulled him out of his depression back then, but Nao hadn’t seen her in four days, and a rot had started to fester inside…

  Walking the path wasn’t helping. It only swirled his memories like whisked matcha.

  Takeo still wouldn’t answer his calls, and Nao’s apprehension about calling Father left him guessing as to whether Takeo went to him. Saehyun was the last person who had seen Takeo, but there was no way Nao could press the issue for more details. Why would Saehyun comment on how Takeo wouldn’t be bothering him anymore unless he had done something drastic? He didn’t look like he was in a fight, but why would the “Nao” he put up for Saehyun want all the gory details?

  Before him, large cherry tree roots uplifted the stones. It was the same place he’d found Saehyun. He was the only person who called Nao, to check in every night to see how the search was going. Did everyone in his family no longer care?

  Nao walked to the tree and leaned against it, the rough bark caressing his skin. There was no reason Kuma would leave. He was the same person he was when he’d taken Kuma in. He still needed her to steady his life. Nao closed his eyes, unable to think of what else to do.

  He pulled out his phone from his yukata sleeve and called Saehyun’s number. His greeting came in Korean.

  “Saehyun?”

  “Oh, it’s you, Nao.”

  “Are you doing anything?”

  “Now?”

  Nao’s lip quivered. “I just—I just—”

  “Where are you?”

  “The path where we first met.”

  “Stay there. I’m leaving now to get there.”

  “No, it’s fine.” Nao shook his head as his eyes filled with tears. “It’s silly. I need to finish the walk, and my head will become clear again.”

  “You don’t sound fine at all. I’m going there now. Don’t move.” Saehyun hung up.

  Nao knew it was crazy to bring Saehyun back here, but the path was not calming his thoughts. He needed someone, and Saehyun could fill the desire. He had another reason he wanted to see Saehyun, too. Even if he might be to blame for Kuma running away, Nao needed someone to tell him he hadn’t changed, not since Kuma had come into his life and started to heal his wounded heart. He was still the Nao he’d been for the past four years. He was the same…

  “Nao?” Saehyun woke him from his daze, running his fingers underneath Nao’s yukata sleeve. “You okay?”

  “I’m sorry for calling.”

  Saehyun sat on the ground beside him.

  “You can always call me,” Saehyun said.

  “The whole thing is pointless.”

  “You wouldn’t call if you didn’t want me to come.”

  Nao avoided Saehyun’s gaze by looking at the ground. Nao couldn’t believe the person he was, walking down a path the moment the past surfaced in his thoughts because he couldn’t face them. He would imagine each step taking him farther and farther from his thoughts until he could go back into the dark recesses of his mind. Escape. That was what the path meant. Escape from the person he really was: someone that would flicker into a beast at the surge of adrenalin.

  “What’s up with this canal?” Saehyun asked.

  “You want to know about the canal?”

  “It’s packed with people walking beside it. What’s so special about it? You know, yeah? You know everything about Kyoto.”

  Nao shook his head, a thickness coating his throat and closing off his words. Everything was stupid.

  “It’s amazing you know so much about the city.” Saehyun scooted closer to Nao, pressing their heads together.

  “You don’t really care,” Nao mumbled.

  “I think it’s amazing. I knew nothing about Osaka while I was there, but because of you I know so much about Kyoto.”

  “You’re trying to distract me.” He buried his head deeper into his knees.

  Why was Saehyun trying to help? He was part of the Double Moon and helped create the reasons for all those Xs on Father’s map. Nao was better off before he knew Saehyun.

  “Come on, what makes the canal special?” Saehyun rubbed Nao’s back. “In the year 587 did some famous samurai walk it or something?”

  “No.” Nao’s reply came muffled.

  “Then let’s see. Maybe it’s older than that. Some dragon used to swim this way between the mountains surrounding Kyoto.”

  Nao curled his toes. “Stop it.”

  “What else am I supposed to do?”

  “Leave.”

  “I’m not leaving you here.” Saehyun brushed back Nao’s hair away from his neck. “I’m going to go with the samurai rode a dragon down here to get some tea. Yup. It was so important they put up the canal so the dragon wouldn’t destroy the shrines.”

  How could Saehyun think of the most ridiculous reason for the canal? Nao looked up, meeting Saehyun’s eyes, letting his gaze fall down to his clothes. The made-up history was
almost as crazy as his neon striped pants.

  “That’s not it at all,” Nao said.

  “Then why does everyone walk along the canal?”

  “The canal isn’t drawing people here, but the path along it. They come to walk down the Philosopher’s Path. It connects Kyoto University to the major shrines in the area.”

  “So the professors would walk along the path thinking about which students to fail.”

  “Just Nishida Kitaro.”

  “These are cherry trees? We’ll have to come here in spring. Have a picnic and everything.”

  “Yeah…” Nao said.

  Why had he even called Saehyun? Why had he even saved him that night? Nao liked his solitude. So what if he had a steady supply of sex with Saehyun? There were no real feelings, and he was letting lust get in the way of finding out things for Father. He was a disgrace on all fronts.

  “What’s your favorite shrine on the path?”

  “The Otoyo Shrine. It’s small, but they have a lot of animal statues.”

  “Then take me there.” Saehyun smiled. “Tell me all about it as we walk.”

  “It’s strange hearing you say you want to know more about something Japanese.”

  “It’s your favorite, so I want to know.” Saehyun grabbed Nao’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “Come on. Show me.”

  Nao closed his eyes, letting the water of the soaking tub swallow him from the neck down. Seven days had passed since Kuma had wandered off. The apartment was clean, yet Nao’s thoughts were scattered about like his broken tea bowls. The daily search for her only crushed his spirit with each step he took. Even thinking about the Gion festival three weeks away didn’t bring any happiness.

  The family still had yet to send a replacement bodyguard, and whenever Nao called anyone in the family, they never answered. He’d disgraced his family again and was paying for it. Why did he allow his emotions to carry him away? He’d found the person he wanted to spend his life with, and that man had died in front of him while he did nothing. Nao didn’t deserve another chance at happiness.

  The door to the bathroom clicked open as Saehyun entered. Nao cursed himself for not bothering to lock it.

  “You all right?” Saehyun asked.

  Nao folded his arms over his knees in the water. “I want to soak.”

  “You’ve been in here an hour.”

  “I’ll be out soon.”

  “Then I’ll be stuck with the cold water.”

  “The heater’s on, so I can take as long as I want.”

  Saehyun pulled his shirt over his head and grinned at Nao as his hand trailed from his chest to the top of his pants. Nao looked away from the tease, pushing against the back of the tub and stretching his legs.

  “There’s not enough room for two.”

  “Don’t be stupid, Nao.”

  With the rest of his clothes off, Saehyun used the showerhead beside the tub to wash off. Nao didn’t watch. The window of escape was shrinking with each passing moment, but with a lull in his thoughts, he became too tired to think of a way out. The water from the showerhead stopped. There was no way out. Saehyun would see, and it would lead to more of his prying questions.

  “Move so I can get behind you.”

  “Get in front,” Nao said in a final attempt to contain the situation.

  “You’re not feeling well. I want to hold you.”

  Saehyun wedged his foot behind Nao and forced himself to the back of the tub. Nao pressed himself against Saehyun, who rested his head on Nao’s shoulder. Their skin touched, leaving no space for any water to seep between them. Nao let out a deep breath as Saehyun wrapped his arms around him.

  “See, you like it.”

  Silence.

  Saehyun’s arms fell, resting on Nao’s hips. Saehyun’s fingertips tickled Nao’s upper thigh. The last thing on Nao’s mind was sex, so the leading caresses were ignored.

  “I’m sorry that we can’t find Kuma. She’s a tough kitty. So she can make it outside for a little while until we find her.”

  Nao kept close to Saehyun’s chest, but not for the comfort of his touch. “She’d run away at the vacuum.”

  “I think most cats do. She’ll probably wander outside the apartment one of these days. Did you see those photos I sent you of the tea bowls?”

  Nao sighed. “I don’t like them as much. I’ll see if the local metalworker can repair them. If not, they’ll die.”

  Nao hadn’t even made tea since Kuma ran off. Saehyun made it for him. Saehyun was the only person that came by. His lips were on him, kissing his neck, kissing his scar.

  “How can bowls die?”

  “From not being used.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  Nao didn’t offer any further explanation.

  They stayed like that for a warm moment, Saehyun with his arms wrapped around Nao and caressing his leg. Again Nao didn’t react to the lascivious intent and only pressed closer to Saehyun. The emptiness that had remained after Saehyun left for his “loan job” had all but disappeared.

  “Have you washed up?”

  “Not really.” Nao spoke without thinking.

  “I’ll help.”

  Saehyun stood, lifting Nao as he did, but Nao dropped like a dead weight. “I’m fine.”

  “Let me help. It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked.”

  Nao sank deeper into the tub, wishing the water could swallow him. “I didn’t say I was done.”

  “You were planning to spend the whole day in the tub to avoid me?”

  Nao looked off to the side. So what if it was true? It would be better if Saehyun left him anyway.

  “We’re getting you dressed and out of this house, whether you like it or not.”

  Saehyun grabbed Nao’s arm and pulled him up. The water splashed in the tub, and Nao’s body twisted. For the first time, Saehyun could see his back.

  “You have a tattoo?”

  Nao pressed his back against the wall, trying to hide. Even then he could feel Saehyun’s gaze boring into his skin. He flinched, not only from the cold water flowing off his skin, but also from becoming exposed for the first time. There was no escaping.

  “Turn around. Let me see it,” Saehyun pressed.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “This is why you’ve refused to take off your yukata each time we fuck, isn’t it?”

  Nao said nothing, biting his lip and letting his damp hair cover his face. He wavered a moment, but it was too late. Saehyun had already seen the tattoo, and there was nothing Nao could do. He slowly turned, the water sloshing around his legs. With his head lowered, he placed his hands against the tiled wall, displaying himself for Saehyun.

  “Wow.”

  Saehyun’s words meant nothing to Nao, like the water used to warm a teapot, and he felt just as worthless. If Nao tried, he could go days without remembering what was forever marked on his back, but with the tattoo in full display, the image burned in his thoughts. The crimson Chinese phoenix dyed his skin. Its long peacock feathers swirled from his shoulder down to his butt, while its crane talons held onto a half-finished bouquet of flowers.

  The tattoo…the mark of the path of a yakuza. There was no way to avoid it.

  “A phoenix? What is it holding?”

  “Chrysanthemums,” Nao mumbled, his body shaking.

  “Come out of the tub, and let me wash you up. You’re shivering.”

  Numb, Nao followed the order, sitting on the stool under the shower with Saehyun kneeling behind him. Nao flinched the first time Saehyun ran his fingers down one of the tattooed feathers. It was so reminiscent of before with his lover. Nao closed his eyes. Saehyun wasn’t him, and Nao was no longer the person he’d been before. He couldn’t hide it even with the years of tea. The next touch wasn’t that of fingertips but of a lathered sponge, wh
ich startled him just as much.

  “When did you get it?”

  Nao voice was a whisper. “Years ago.”

  “I saw someone with this Japanese style.”

  Nao bit his lip, but it was clear that in the world they both lived in, such tattoos were easily seen. Nao hoped Saehyun wouldn’t make the connection. Tattoos were getting popular outside the underworld.

  “Why didn’t you get it finished? You probably only need another hour or two.”

  “Forget you saw it.”

  “It looks so badass. Why didn’t you show me sooner?”

  “People get the wrong impression when they see. They think I’m a criminal.”

  Saehyun laughed. “You sell tea. Anyone would be an idiot to think anything bad about you.”

  “I was the idiot back then. I wanted to show people I was tough.”

  “Who doesn’t want to break some kid’s arm when they’re young?”

  Nao sighed at Saehyun’s attempt to make him laugh.

  “There’s no point in showing people you’re some kind of badass. I worried my father so much by being a rebellious kid, and my mother left us because of it.”

  Saehyun’s sponge-filled hand climbed up Nao’s spine. Reaching his neck, Saehyun’s fingers pushed aside the hair and touched the scar there.

  “Is there a reason you got this, or was it from Takeo?”

  He pushed Saehyun’s hand off. Still, the single touch was all he needed to ignite the memories. He needed to walk down the path.

  “Why do you keep asking?”

  “Tell me,” Saehyun urged. “I want to know everything about you.”

  “We agreed we wouldn’t lie to each other.”

  “What? It’s true. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won’t think any less of you.”

  “I got it because I couldn’t save him.”

  Nao shook his head and pressed his hand against the tiled floor to steady himself from his memories. He failed. He’d failed to protect Kyoto. On top of that, his home had been broken into in a petty crime that wasn’t supposed to happen with the yakuza on watch. It provided the knife that was slicing his insides. Takeo hadn’t been found, and somehow, Saehyun had something to do with it. Nao knew but wasn’t strong enough to force the answer from Saehyun. Yet no one cared, and at the moment, both of them naked, Nao was too trapped in Saehyun’s arms to fault him.